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I’m trapped

In darksess and oblivion, i try to make my way, inspite of all the rumors insinuating I am gay. I dont know how they found it out, i try to hide it well, i guess it’s due to my evenings gows hidden om my shelf. But anyway, never mind, i dont know what to do, this thing is haning over me and i dont want it to grow. It bothers me when I’m awake, it’s ruining my beauty sleep, it never leaves my side and it gives me major creeps. It’s whopping me around, i cant retaliate, it controls my every move, it rearanges my fate. I’m not allowed to go outside, I’m not allowed to play, I’m not allowed to call my friends unless it says i may. I dont know how to handle it, it hasn’t been that long, my friends tells me to grow some balls, they tell me to be strong. I know it’s not expecting it, I’m working on this plan, by violence and tricks destroy it’s wicked-ass command. Maria doesn’t know it yet, Maria’s unaware, I am gonna end her life and free my soul from this ensnare.

Hemma igen, eller är det borta???

I dagsläget bor jag en stund hos Oscar i Lunden, brings back old memories^^. Det är förvånandsvärt hur dåligt man kommer överens med sin familj när man väl kommer hem igen. Tror att det är bäst att jag inte tillbringar massa tid hemma, lite besök då och då tror jag är bäst för alla. Så nu som sagt var så bor jag hos Oscar över helgen och tror jag drar upp till Oslo på måndag för att chilla och relaxa. Ska bli gött, känns faktiskt nästan mer hemma i Oslo än vad det gör i Sverige, helt sjuuukt faktiskt.

Aja, igår träffade jag Tommy och Hellen på stan, va gött att se folk igen, blir ju inte så mycket med det nu när man bor  i Norge. Kollade på lite fotboll från Gothia Cup, såg Paris FC spela, shit asså sicka killar, helt sjukt duktiga! Dom totalt ägde sönder stackars Oscarshamn. Sen stack jag till Jonas, Oscars polare, och drack öl med mera. Utgången blev la ok men var så sinnes trött att jag och Oscar stack hem när de andra gick vidare. Får la se vad som händer ikväll, nåt blir det säkert. Imon ska vi se nya Harry Potter filmen så vi förbereder oss med ett Harry Potter maraton hemma nu, awesome! HP FTW!

Såg förövrigt Ice Age 3 3D igår, my GOOOOD vilken rolig film assså. Sjukt mycket bättre än tvåan och t.om. nästan bättre än ettan! Ett måste på bio!

/h

Varför jag bor i Oslo och inte Göteborg!!!!!

Jävla semesterförstörare, ja det svenska rättsväsendet asså. Här lever man sitt vardagliga liv, stör ingen mer än vanligt och betalar allt man ska betala, betalar sin skatt och pissar inte offentligt. Men neeeeeeej, det duger inte. Tydligen måste man vara en övermänniska för att slippa undan, och news flash, jag är ingen övermänniska. This is the story.

Maria sticker hem till Norge efter några dagars rehab i Sverige efter Roskilde. Då…DÅ bestämmer mamma sig för att ge mig några brev hon glömt ge mig innan, dom var från kronofogden och inkasso där jag tydligen hade glömt betala räkningar, räkningar som jag aldrig sett innan. Ahhhhh, mr. Inkasso, we meet again tänkte jag. Drog min mentala värja och var reda att (be)strida all extra betalning. Sen sket jag i det och fick glatt pröjsa de extra 1100 kronor utöver de 600 jag redan var skyldig. Skitnajs, gött att bli av med lite pengar liksom. Självklart var vädret piss också så bestämmde mig för att dra in till Stenungsund och dricka lite öl för att bli på bättre humör. Men vem stannar inte mig när jag nästan är framme och vill ha lite extra av mitt tydligen så stora överföd av kontanter, jo mr. polisman! Han tyckte att min bil hade körförbud! Jasså, hippetihopp 1500 kronor i böter där, trevligt. Fick iaf köra bilen till Jakob och ställa den på hans specialparkering för att slippa p-böter också, det hade ju vart kronan på verket. Så där va vi och drack öl och stack sen vidare för att sen dra till hamnkrogen, fjortishaket nr. 1! Va la kul, roligast var att sno bartender grejjor från baren….im sneaky!!!! Vaknade bakfull och skitsliten hos Anders, ringde pappa och bad han hämta mig, som om inte all heder redan hade försvunnit…..iaf han och mamma hämtade mig och körde mig till den andra bilen för att ta den hem….mr. P-böter….HEJ! E du här! 500 kronor till där, lika bra det. Så sammanlagt så blev det 3700 kronor som försvann i loppet av 2 dagar.

FML

Därför bor jag i Oslo!!!!

/h

Roskilde ‘09

4 o’clock raves, über-slutty behaviour, hot hook-ups, not so hot hook-ups, booze, cleptomania, virgin slaying, sweat, blood and tears. Best Roskilde ever!

Chriss kicked off the festival by misplacing a used condom in our tent (we found it a few days later – on my shirt), and it all just went downhill from there. Any morals we might have had before we arrived were quickly diminished around beer number ten, and our standards were lowered from ”cute, smart and/or funny” to ”relatively human” somewhere between the fourth and seventh shot.

Chriss were forgiven for the whole lost condom-thing when we saw her catch/victim for the first time. Oh mah gawd! The hotness. If she’s forgiven for waking us up in the middle of the night (every night) by screaming and hitting us, giving away Erik’s favourite t-shirt to a random drunk, drinking 50 percent of all our booze, is still a matter of opinion. Her awesomeness makes up for it though (her 52 hour long drinking marathon would probably even make up for first degree murder), and I owe her a high five for kicking Erik after he drunkenly blurted out ”ya know, I still find you interesting enough to not think about other women when we have sex” during some tent-lovin’. That’s just how we role!

On our first night we were introduced to what would become the reason to our liquor shortage, the Welsh! They entered our camp camp in a fashionable manor the first day in the form of Daniel, who ever so shamelessly described both the magnificent growth of his ass hair but also how he barely speaks his native language. All in all, an enjoyable evening. Then the introduction continued over the next few hours, and we got to know all the drunk people from the overlooked appendix of Britain that is Wales. Notable are the conquests of Stephen and Gareth who really got to taste the local cousine, in the shape of Norwegian promiscuity. Coutos guys….coutos!

We did take revenge for their constant mooching of our beer by harassing their tent 5 ‘o clock in the morning one day. We were 4 people who jumped in/on the tent of two very surprised, and not at all as exited as we were, welsh guys and offered them (their own) buns and noodles as a peace offer. They didn’t accept, but Jonatan digged in, free food ftw. 12 hour old, saggy noodles. Oh yum.

It’s remarkable how everyone seem to get infected by the festival disease upon arrival. Known symptoms are sluttiness, major IQ-loss and dancing fever. So no one forgets here are some of the priceless quotes from this year’s Roskilde festival.

• Jonatan; Oh no…I just got the worst anxiety.  -Why Jonatan?  -I just remembered, I drank water last night.
• Maria; I dont need protein, I get all my protein from you.
• Erik; ya know, I still find you interesting enough to not think about other women when we have sex.
• Random guy to Sofia; Call me tonight if you get very drunk.
• Erik; You’re so sexy when your in pain.
• Pontus; I’m a planet eater, WROARRRR!
• Sofia; I’m not cut out for this heat.
• Maria; Afro solo!!!

More quotes will appear in time.

And there were also fantastic bands playing, seriously, there were. My favorites were without doubt Gogol Bordello, Oasis and Coldplay, in that order. It was amazing to actually see Oasis do a good concert for once, even Liam sounded good. The did pass out on Some Might Say and The Importance of being idle, but that was ok, they still rocked. Gogol Bordello was the only band to get 6 out of 6 for their performance, and god they deserved it. We were about 40.000 people in the scorching afternoon sun just dancing our asses off to melodic Balkan punk/pop. It was AWESOME! And ofc Coldplay were great, sadly I was so tired during the last gig of the festival that I didnt have the power to stand in front for the whole gig, but i enjoyed the remaining 15 minutes in Maria’s lap, can’t complain.

There were also some some incidents you probably wouldn’t do in a sober condition that has to be mentioned. First there was the abduction and abuse of unconsious people in our tents. Fist out were Michaela who had passed out in our tent. Pontus who had a lady friend over tried to get her out, but she was quite reluctant to move. So Jonatan and I grabbed one leg each and pulled her out, got her up on her feet and tied a blue rope that was practically enough just laying there, around her.  Anyway, we tied her up and sent her home, being the awesome wingmans that we are. Unfortunatually Pontus went to sleep before the action began, but we did what we could. The second time was when Chriss brought a Danish guy home, who ended up passing out in our tent. This guy weighed a lot more than Michaela so we had to combine forces with two other guys from our camp. We put mr. Danish guy on a tarpaulin and carried him away across the campsite where we laid him down in a random tent, next to some other fellows who were fast asleep, perfect! He did wake up 5 hours later, not knowing where his phone, watch, wallet, shirt and shoes were, but soooo worth it for us!!! He found us eventually, after having spent a good hour looking for our camp.

Chriss also gave away one of my favorite t-shirts to this random guy at 3 in the morning because he apparently had gotten cold. We settled it like adults and agreed that she now owes me an ”I’ll do whatever you want”, with certain restrictions. I promise you Chriss, I will hold you to it!

We also had a failed pirate take-over of the camp. We had planned to surprise the bandcamp-members in our awesome pirate gear, tie them up and make them walk the plank! The result was quite disasterous. I was both very drunk and very excited, a little too exited i think. When the rebellion failed I got EMO and just laid on the ground waving my sword screaming: THIS OUTFIT COST ME 600 NORWEGIAN CROWNS FFS!

It did actually, fuck, I’m getting angry again^^

Updates will certainly come.

Oh, one last thing, one of the sleeping bags accidentally got infected with… lets just say a swimming protein mass. I could say who’s but it wouldn’t be half as much fun!